It’s been over a year since I’ve resurrected this little avenue of expression. And honestly, I was on my way to deleting this page altogether. I canceled my recurring subscription and was on my way out…

But then I saw the views. And the comments.

Somehow, I’ve reached a few moms. Mamas who are in the same boat I’m in. Struggling day after day to bloom and blossom and, quite frankly, get her pink back.

So I pressed “Add Post” and got to it. Because if this reaches even just one mom and makes her feel a little less alone, then I know I’m making a difference.

So, let’s reintroduce ourselves. This time from the other side of newborn life, but still very much in the trenches.

My name is Kari. And yes, that’s a pseudonym because, at the end of the day, there are some locos out there and safety is key. But rest assured, I am real. I’m a mom. And I’m struggling through this motherhood thing just like you. ❤️

So come on in, sit down, and follow along.

My son is now 2.5 years old and, Lord, do I sometimes wish we were back in the newborn stage where I could just…place him somewhere…and he’d stay. Isn’t that funny? When we’re in the newborn trenches, we’re desperate to fast-forward time for some extra sleep and a little peace. Then we get to this side of babies. The side where your terroris-I  mean, toddler…makes you WISH you were back in those newborn trenches. This has certainly been the hardest stage yet.

And what am I doing about it?

Well, for starters, I’m here. Talking to you. Sharing with YOU. Because if I’m going through it, I know some of you are, too.

We recently enrolled the boy in a toddler program, which you’d think I’d be over the moon about. I was not. Actually, it had the complete opposite effect. I spent his entire first day of school parked nearby, praying and waiting for noon to come faster so I could bring him back home.

It was HARD. It’s still hard.

As much as we both needed this time apart and the structure, it just doesn’t feel normal to me yet. He’s still such a baby?! How is dropping them off to be cared for by strangers…NORMAL?! I went from knowing what he was doing every minute of every day to GUESSING and desperately waiting for little snapshots of his day to come through the parent app. Call it whatever you want. Label me loca. But IMO, it shouldn’t have to be this way. Moms should have the tools, resources, and financial support to be able to say, “No. Not yet.” To stay home with our babies if that’s what we want. To raise them, teach them, and love on them through those little baby years without having to choose between being there and financially contributing to our families.

Okay…

Realizing I went on a tangent there while I was attempting to reintroduce myself. Can you tell I’m pretty passionate about the topic? 😅

Anyway. Back to me.

The boy started school. I got some time back in my day to actually work without trying to cram an eight-hour workday into a three-hour nap window. Aaaand…

I started therapy.

Let’s talk about therapy.

It’s not something I’m unfamiliar with. In fact, I’ve started and stopped therapy a few times throughout my life. And every time I start, it’s usually because of some triggering event. This time, it was the boy starting school. Last time, it was grief. But every time I start again, I’m reminded of just how much I needed it.

I’m also reminded of how important it is to have a village that loves and supports you.

I have a best friend, who we’ll call Lilly for the sake of anonymity. We’ve been friends since elementary school, which, in today’s day and age, translates to a very long friendship. We’re so close that she was even in the room when the boy was born. I’ll talk more about our relationship another day, but for now, I wanted to introduce her because she’s the reason I started, and restarted, therapy. In fact, she was the one who sent the email to the therapist to get me scheduled.

Now you might be wondering, what’s the big deal?

Let me break it down for you.

That first day my son started school, as aforementioned, I stayed parked nearby all day with debilitating worry. Lilly came to my rescue. She didn’t judge me. She didn’t rush me. She didn’t tell me I was being dramatic or that “he’ll be fine.” She just sat there. She listened. She helped fill the space. She supported my decision to pick him up early, for my mental health 😅, and even came with me to pick him up.

And then she did something she absolutely did not have to do.

She opened her home to me for the rest of the week to help me through the transition of him starting school. We co-worked every day. She distracted me with her own life problems. She supported my baby steps. And then she did the thing that had been overwhelming and intimidating me for a long time.

She sent the email.

She reached out to her therapist and asked if she would take me on as a patient.

A village. It takes a village.

Therapy had been something I wanted to get back into for SO long after having my son. But the process of finding the right person felt SO overwhelming. In fact, I did start therapy earlier this year with a provider I found on my own and…she was sooo bad that I stopped going and basically gave up. 😂

You know that cliché therapy line: “And how do you feel about that?” Yeah. That was basically how every session went. After three sessions, the only thing I remember is some reference she made to a papaya tree.

A papaya tree.

And that’s where I drew the line.

“Kari, why are you sharing this?” you might ask. Because I want you to lean on your village, too. Whether that’s your husband, your Lilly, your mom, MIL, sister, coworker, neighbor…whoever you have in your corner.

LEAN ON THEM TO GET YOU BY.

Sometimes the village isn’t someone swooping in and fixing everything.

Sometimes it’s someone sitting next to you in a parking lot while you wait for noon.

Sometimes it’s someone letting you work from their house because you don’t want to be alone.

And sometimes it’s someone sending the email you’ve been too overwhelmed to send yourself.

There’s so much more I want to share, but I also know you’re probably on a timer before your own little one comes knocking, so I’ll keep this short-ish and wrap it up for today.

If you’re in, I’m in. I’ll bring this blog back to life.

I want to share the things that are helping me survive motherhood, and I want to hear from YOU about what’s helping you make it through, too. We’ll talk about work-from-home mom life. Finding things that make you feel like you again. Therapy. Marriage. Motherhood. The village. How to show up better for your family without completely losing yourself in the process.

And everything in between. No pretending we have it all figured out. Because I certainly don’t.

So come on in. Sit down. Let’s chat.

I’d love to be friends and figure out this mom thing, together. ❤️